#27: Why You Keep Saying Yes to the Wrong Things

You already know the difference between what you could do and what you're called to. So why do you keep choosing the could anyway? In this episode of the novaCo Podcast, April Nova Scipio gets honest about the three root causes underneath the wrong yes — and why the most faithful, God-loving women are often the most susceptible to them.

This is week two of the Called to This series, and it goes deeper than inspiration. April Nova names the real reasons Christian women stay stuck saying yes to things that are not their assignment — people pleasing, confusing their gifts with their calling, and using a full calendar of good things to avoid the one right thing God is asking for. Drawing from Galatians 1:10 and John 15:16 NLT, this episode will help you identify the pattern underneath your yeses and take one honest step toward changing it.

In this episode you'll learn:
 — Why the wrong yes almost always looks right on the outside
 — How people pleasing disguises itself as faithfulness
 — The difference between your gift and your God-given assignment
 — How to examine your recent yeses and find the pattern

Whether you're a Christian woman in ministry, entrepreneurship, or everyday life — this episode will give you language for something you've been feeling for a long time.

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The novaCo Podcast is hosted by April Nova Scipio — Christian mentor, author, speaker, and YouVersion Devotion Creator. New episodes every Monday.

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🎸 Intro music produced by Cory Valjien. https://spotify.link/Ot87eEITRDb

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I want you to think about the last time you said yes to something. Not a yes you were excited about, but the other kind. The yes that came out of your mouth. And the second it left, something inside went quiet. Not like a peace quiet, flat quiet, like a signal going dim. If you know that feeling, today's episode is for you. Because here's the thing: most of us aren't saying yes to bad things. We're saying yes to good things. The problem is good is not always the same as called. And today I'm unpacking why we keep saying yes to the wrong things, even when we know better. Cannot wait to get into this conversation. Thanks for hanging out with me. If you are brand new to the podcast, I want to welcome you not just to the podcast, but to our community. Nova Community. We are a group of women and we live differently. I'm excited that you're here. You can connect with us in the show notes of this episode. There's a link. So check out Nova Community today. We are in week two of our July series, Called to This. Last week we talked about the difference between what you could do and what you're called to. And I got a lot of great feedback from the episode. So I want to thank you guys just for engaging. So many of you said that question just hit differently. And if you haven't listened to episode one yet, go back and start there because today builds on what we started last week. We asked the question last week: how do I know the difference between could and called? And I know a lot of you are thinking, okay, April, I hear you. But if I know the difference, why do I keep choosing the could anyway? That is exactly what we're gonna unpack today. That's where we're going. Today, we're gonna really have a conversation around why we keep saying yes to the wrong things. And I want to start off by saying this before anything else. I get it. I really get it. This is not a simple thing to untangle. You are not broken or weak or unfaithful because you're in it. The most gifted, most God-hearted, most faithful women I know struggle with this. So we're gonna have this honest conversation today together. Let's say a let's say a prayer. God, I just pray for our hearts right now as we enter this conversation. I pray for clarity and freedom, Lord. I pray that you meet every single person who's listening right in their specific situations. And God, I just pray that you help what needs to land today actually land. Thank you for all the fruit that's gonna come out of this conversation today. In Jesus' name. Amen. Amen, guys. Let's get into this. So this is what makes this so hard. The wrong yes almost always looks right on the outside. We're not out here saying yes to terrible things. We are saying yes to meaningful things, ministry things, things that help people, things that we're genuinely good at, things that come with someone standing in front of us and saying, We really need you for this. The wrong yes comes wrapped in all the right packaging. And that's why it's hard to catch sometimes. I think about the woman, and maybe you are her, maybe you're this woman who is carrying four ministry commitments, two leadership roles, a small group, a side project, someone she loves needed help with, and she's running on empty, stretched, spread thin. And if you ask her why she said yes to all of it, she will look at you genuinely and say, because it was needed, because I could help, because who else is going to do it? And every single one of those answers is true, but not one of them is calling. So, what is actually going on underneath all of those yeses? I want to give you three things today, three root causes that I've seen over and over again in the women that I mentor and walk with. And these three things I've had to face in my own life. So just know that I'm not telling you this because I think I'm perfect and have arrived. I'm sharing this because I believe it's gonna help us today. So the first root cause is this you're afraid of what your no will cost you. Now I know that's direct, but this one is the most common, and it's the one we dress up the most spiritually. We don't usually call it fear, we call it being available, being responsive, being faithful, not wanting to let people down. It looks like virtue from the outside, it looks exactly like virtue. But the apostle Paul tells us in Galatians chapter 1, verse 10 Obviously I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant. Man, if people pleasing were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant. Those two things are in direct tension. You cannot fully serve God and fully serve the fear of what people think of you at the same time. When you think about people pleasing, I want you to, I want you to know, like it doesn't look like being a pushover, it looks like being responsive, responsible. It looks like not wanting to disappoint, it looks like being needed and realizing somewhere along the way that being needed started to feel like being loved. And and that's an honest place, and that's the place that God wants to meet you in. Because your worth is not in what you can do, it's not in whether you say yes, your worth is in who you are to God, and that does not require a single yes from you. The second root cause is you've confused your gift with your assignment. Your gift is what you're equipped with, your assignment is what you're sent to do. And here's the thing they overlap, but they are not the same. In practice, what happens is this someone identifies a need, they look around for someone who can fill it, they land on you because you have the skills, and before anyone has even asked God whether this is yours to carry, the arrangement has already been made. Proverbs 19, 21, it says, you can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail. Many plans, many needs, many opportunities that need your specific skill set. But there's one purpose for your life, one assignment that he purposed you for specifically. And not every single door that fits your key was meant for you to open it. The fact that you can teach doesn't mean you're called to teach in every room that needs a teacher. The fact that you can lead doesn't mean every leaderless situation is your responsibility. Your gifts were given to you to serve your assignment, not every assignment that needs your particular gifting. Root cause three. And this one probably requires the most honesty. You're using the wrong yes to avoid the right yes. Sometimes the reason we keep saying yes to the wrong things isn't fear of what a no will cost. It's fear of what yes to the right thing will cost. The right yes is usually bigger, more exposed, more uncertain. It costs more. And so we stay busy. We fill our calendars with good things, meaningful things, things that can point to and say, look how much I'm doing, look how faithful I am. And all of that can be true, and it can also be a way of not getting to the one thing God is actually asking for. Jesus said it so perfectly in John chapter 15, verse 16. He says, You didn't choose me, I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for using my name. Lasting fruit, not impressive fruit, not productive fruit, not busy fruit. Lasting fruit comes from the appointed thing, the thing he chose you for, not the thing you chose for yourself because it felt manageable. I want to ask you something, and this is just a really important question for you. Is there something God has been asking you to say yes to that you have been avoiding by staying very busy doing other good things? Because that's the real question underneath all of this. So, how can we apply this in our lives? Here's what I want you to do. And it's simple. Think about the last three things you said yes to, just three. Write them down, and next to each one, write down this question. Was this yes protecting? Was it protecting a relationship? Was it protecting your identity as the capable one? Was it protecting you from having to say yes to something that scares you? I want you to sit with those questions and you don't have to do anything dramatic with the answers. You don't have to have a clear path of all the exact things you're gonna do moving forward. You don't have to clear your calendar. Um I'm not asking you to do anything abrupt. I'm just asking you to be willing to see it. And if you start to notice a pattern in those answers, that pattern is information. That pattern is God showing you something. What if you took the yes that's actually yours and just broke that down into smaller steps? Think about this. What is the smallest movement you can make today toward the right yes? Not someday today, and start there in these episodes. And um I'm I'm just grateful. I'm grateful because he's helping us give him our very best. And our very best is fulfilling our God-given assignment, and he's helping us to get clear and to move forward into all the redemptive plans that he has for our lives. So that's exciting. I want to pray for us today as we sit with these questions and these thoughts, and you know, I'm excited about next week as we continue to build on this conversation. And I'm gonna be talking about the obedience you've been avoiding. So make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of these episodes. God is doing good things, and I want you to be connected to all of them. Let's pray. God, thank you so much for today and what you're doing in our lives. Thank you for this conversation today. Help us to identify, Lord, the root cause of us giving a yes to the wrong things. Lord, it is our heart to say yes to the right things. Give us the courage to shift things and step in or step away from things as you lead us. Thank you, God, for trusting us with our assignments because we recognize people are always on your mind. So there are people attached to every yes. So, God, you are trusting us with your people. God, thank you. God, help us to just continue to hear your voice with clarity and to take steps of courage. We love you, we honor you, we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen, you guys. Listen, if this series is really tugging at your heart and you want to process it in community with women who are asking these same questions, I want you to join my mentorship community, Nova Circle. We meet weekly, we have real conversation, there's real accountability. The link is in the show notes of this episode. And if you feel that you want to go deeper, you want to actually step away and spend time with God, getting clear on your specific assignment, then Nova Retreat is for you. It's September 4th through the 6th outside of Chattanooga, Tennessee. It's all inclusive, it's intimate, and I'm telling you, your investment will be so, so worth it. You can reserve your spot with a deposit today using the link in the show notes of this episode. I love you all with the love of Christ. Thanks for being here. Go ahead and share this episode out on socials. Tag me at AprilNova Scipio, and I'll see you next week right here on the podcast. This is April Nova Scipio, and this is how we live faith first rhythm always. Be blessed. Love you guys.